So for the second night in a row I’ve stayed after work, on my own time, working on some new enhancements to a Job Aide(aptly named Job Buddy) I’ve created for myself and is used widely in my department. I wasn’t asked to do it. I’m not paid to do it. No one is required to use it. Basically I just decided to take it upon myself to attempt to increase my job productivity by creating a reference tool to connect me quickly to the different resources so that I can provide a complete and accurate experience for the customers I help. It also serves to help me monitor the metrics which measure my success in my position. I find myself getting frustrated because I believe that this tool has increased the productivity in my department but I’m not getting recognition for it.
Let’s break this down:
I’m upset because I’m not getting praise for creating a job tool that no one asked me to create.
This is insane. This is a character defect. As I process this I am realizing that this is connected to my self-esteem. I need to feel needed and that I am contributing. I want to be noticed. I’m glad that I realized this last night, because it was bringing me to a bad place. I am so grateful that my head is clear. This is the kind of thing that contributed to me making poor decisions such as getting drunk alone in my car and then driving.
So today when I go into work I will continue to work on my project for myself. It’s there to fulfill me and not others. If others see the benefit and I receive praise for my efforts that will be a bonus, but the real award will be the pride that I have in creating something that is helpful.